you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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