I wish i was in the wii world.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
