I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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