Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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