I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
