So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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