my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
