He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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