btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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