I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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