scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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