I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
