What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
