Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I pour the whiskey from now on
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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