Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
