Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
