He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
