Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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