we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
vagina is talking i cant
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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