He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
