i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
