I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
