just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
