Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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