thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
