sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
