if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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