Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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