thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
