As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
