They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She just used a chaser for red wine.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
