Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
