Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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