oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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