And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
