do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
