omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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