His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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