she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want to make out with him forever
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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