May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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