There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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