my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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