she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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