i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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