dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
