I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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