So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
