I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's always time for handjobs
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
