so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
