I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So many bounce houses so little time
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
