I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I believe in your delicious
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