The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize