we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
