omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
They took my balls.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
