Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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