she woke up with a sticky ear
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
