On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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