life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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