is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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