I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
