Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
