I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize