it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
