Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I touched a dick in church today
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
