just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
