just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
