hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize