Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
