I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
