dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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