Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
