im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Im part way to drunk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
