Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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