I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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