Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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