don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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