i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize